A collection of true vignettes traces the author's misadventures of her mid-thirties, a period marked by her mother's glee over the author's midlife, high-protein diets, and the publication of her first book.

"Laurie Notaro has proved everyone wrong: she didn’t end up in rehab, prison, or cremated at a tender age. She just went gray. At past fifty, every hair’s root is a symbol of knowledge (she knows how to use a landline), experience (she rode in a car with no seat belts), and superpowers (a gray-haired lady can get away with anything). Though navigating midlife is initially upsetting—the cracking noises coming from her new old body, receiving...

Notaro recounts her best efforts, and hilarious failures, in keeping a household inches away from being condemned. After all, home wasn't built in a day.

What I really want for Christmas -- Helpful tips on how to throw an unforgettable holiday party and die alone in six easy steps -- Naughty or nice -- O Holy night, or the year I ruined Christmas -- There's a gun somewhere under the Christmas tree -- Have yourself a Kmart little Christmas -- Mashed potatoes, yams, and a urine sample -- Deck the mall -- Jingle hell -- Where do good trees go when they die? -- Christmas death trap -- The most unfun Christmas...